Sometimes you read a line or a phrase, often even a whole paragraph which can perfectly define something, menial as it may appear to others, perfectly clarifying something for you in your mind:
"For Irina, Lawrence had always been the ultimate test case." (The Post-Birthday World, Lionel Shriver)
Admittedly I've had two but I've had circumstances different to Irina: Louisa and Jak... If it didn't work with either of them, it isn't going to work with anyone else. Each, to me, the perfect example of their respective genders. Both failed.
For someone like me who was always a little cynical about love but compelled to throw myself into it when it comes along, I've had my test cases - indeed the last case concluded some five years ago.
I don't feel morose, depressed or cheated about my lot in life regarding love: There are many kinds of love. The love of my family I have, and of my friends. I am passionate about my interests and am not ashamed of putting them higher up the scale of importance than romantic love which I know now I'll never be compatible with.
Every attempt at a romantic relationship I've made since my two "test cases" have ended either in apathy or outright painful disaster. I truly don't think it's worth it. I've thought a lot about this over the years and have questioned whether I am overly cynical, whether my parents' divorce had negatively affected me (which I don't believe is the case given the happy and loving relationships both have since found). The above quotation just clarified for me that which I now believe to be true - that certain people simply don't suit being in a relationship, that, for some, being in a relationship can only be of detriment to at least one if not both parties.
This is something very different to simply not finding your mate - that is a sad state, to be ready and accepting of romantic love but unable to find the correct recipient. These people do deserve our pity for they are among the loneliest soles in the world. As Emo as this may sound, I am simply not one of those people.
I see no problem with having good friends, a good sex life (neither of which require a romantic entanglement) and a healthy life following the path you choose.
I don't believe in setting such things in stone and (as I say in reply to the largely meaningless platitudes of others who don't understand that I'm not just being overly dramatic) should a match appear in my future I won't shy away from it for having had this realisation, but neither will I jump head-first into it or indeed go looking for it. May as well go looking for "God" - an either fruitless or individually detrimental crusade.
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